A bride to be admired and proud of...

It was refreshing and something that I haven't seen in a long time.

This past Saturday, we were part of a wedding reception for Kawika's niece, Kanani. She had been married the day before in Kona, so we didn't get to see her in her wedding dress until she arrived at the reception.

As with all the other parties in their family, Jeff was doing sound and video, so we were there early, and I was helping to set up. On one of my numerous trips past the sign in table, I happened to stop to look at the wedding portrait that was sitting on the table. The couple, Kanani and Dan, had taken a few portraits posed against the beautiful background that Hawaii is known for. But, what captured my attention was her wedding dress. I haven't seen a bride wear a style like that in a very long time. It was simple, elegant, and modest all at once. My first thought was, "WOW! Any father would be proud to have her as his daughter." Most brides choose dress styles that are spaghetti straps, strapless, or in other words, showing a lot of skin. It was her wedding day, and the only person she needed to impress was her husband, but she had chosen to do it in a different way from most modern brides. For everyone else, her modest dress spoke volumes of the type of girl/woman she is. For me, I had to admire her for the subtle, silent message she was sending, whether she knew it or not. I have to give credit to her parents for raising her with the values and examples of an exemplary young lady. This is the type of girl that any young man can be proud to take home to his parents...one that will be sure to raise their children with similar values.

Last week I had a conversation with a fellow Christian and co-worker. Somehow, our conversation turned to the topic of the way kids dress today and the role models that influence this. At one point in our conversation, he told me that I was one of the exceptions in my thinking. I shared with him that I was trained in youth ministry by a pastor who valued teaching youth not only about God, but he taught about relationships, dress, etiquette, and really day to day practical living. That era is fading as most who were raised in that time have moved on to other things and few are left working with the youth today. This happened before I attended the wedding reception. It was ironic how Kanani's gown was a reassurance that modesty still lives on, even in the young. Thanks Kanani!

A 3-year-old tells all from his mother's restroom stall.

Just sharing an email that I received...

My little guy, Cade, is quite a talker. He loves to communicate and does it quite well. He talks to people constantly, whether we are in the library, the grocery store or at a drive-thru window. People often comment on how clearly he speaks for a just-turned-3-year-old. And you never have to ask him to turn up the volume. It's always fully cranked. There have been several embarrassing times that I've wished the meaning of his words would have been masked by a not-so-audible voice, but never have I wished this more than last week at Costco.

Halfway, through our shopping trip, nature called, so I took Cade with me into the restroom. If you'd been one of the ladies in the restroom that evening, this is what you would have heard coming from the second to the last stall:

''Mommy, are you gonna go potty? Oh! Why are you putting toiwet paper on the potty, Mommy? Oh! You gonna sit down on da toiwet paper now? Mommy, what are you doing? Mommy, are you gonna go stinkies on the potty?''

At this point I started mentally counting how many women had been in the bathroom when I walked in. Several stalls were full.... 4? 5? Maybe we could wait until they all=20 left before I had to make my debut out of this stall and reveal my identity. Cade continued:

''Mommy, you ARE going stinkies aren't you? Oh, dats a good girl, Mommy! Are you gonna get some candy for going stinkies on the potty? Let me see doze stinkies, Mommy! Oh ... Mommy! I'm trying to see In dere. Oh! I see dem. Dat is a very good girl, Mommy. You are gonna get some candy!''

I heard a few faint chuckles coming from the stalls on either side of me. Where is a screaming newborn when you need her? Good grief. This was really getting embarrassing. I was definitely waiting a long time before exiting. Trying to divert him, I said, ''Why don't you look in Mommy's purse and see if you can find some candy. We'll both have some!''

''No, I'm trying to see doze more stinkies...Oh! Mommy!''

He started to gag at this point.

''Uh - oh, Mommy.. I fink I'm gonna frow up. Mommy, doze stinkies are making me frow up!! Dat is so gross!!''

As the gags became louder, so did the chuckles outside my stall. I quickly flushed the toilet in hopes of changing the subject. I began to reason with myself: OK. There are four other toilets. If I count four flushes, I can be reasonably assured that those who overheard this embarrassing monologue will be long gone.

''Mommy! Would you get off the potty, now? I want you to be done going stinkies! Get up! Get up!''

He grunted as he tried to pull me off. Now I could hear full-blown laughter. I bent down to count the feet outside my door.
''Oh, are you wooking under dere, Mommy? You wooking under da door? What were you wooking at? Mommy? You wooking at the wady's feet?''

More laughter. I stood inside the locked door and tried to assess the situation.

''Mommy, it's time to wash our hands, now. We have to go out now, Mommy.'' He started pounding on the door. ''Mommy, don't you want to wash your hands? I want to go out!!''

I saw that my wait 'em out' plan was unraveling. I sheepishly opened the door, and found standing outside my stall, twenty to thirty ladies crowded around the stall, all smiling and starting to applaud.

My first thought was complete embarrassment, then I thought, where's the fine print on the 'motherhood contract' where I signed away every bit of my dignity and privacy? But as my little boy gave me a big, cheeky grin while he rubbed bubbly soap between his chubby little hands, I thought, I'd sign it all away again, just to be known as Mommy to this little fellow.

(Shannon Popkin is a freelance writer and mother of three. She lives with her family in Grand Rapids, Michigan, where she no longer uses public restrooms.)

You must pass this on to all the mothers who have had embarrassing moments with their children. Guys, share this with your wives or moms. Isn't it great to be a parent!!!

The Genki Experience

We started the night with dessert from Haagen Daz. It's their birthday today, so they were giving away free scoops of ice cream from 4-8pm. We were very happy! Even got coupons for our next visit.

Then we went to Arby's, because Jeff wanted to get the $1 deals. "It hasn't gotten to Hawaii yet" is what we were told. Left there.

We went to Genki's since I had the $10 gift certificates. To follow the gift certificates to a "t" we sat at the bar and not at a table and each took our own stack of plates. At the end, we requested our individual receipts, so we could each pay separately. Then the "memorable" experience begins. At the register, Kavin gives the employee, AMBER, his bill with his $10 gift certificate and $1 to cover it.

The gift certificate is dated 03/10/2010. About half way down, it says "Expires 03/19/12-One certificate per table, per receipt, per visit."

She barely glances at the gift certificate and says that it's expired and practically flings it back at me. NOT!!! When I point out to her that she's not looking at the expiration date, she turns to the side and asks another worker why they put the date there while looking at a different version of a gift certificate. DOES IT EVEN MATTER? The whole point is that it's not expired and now she is just looking like a A**. So since she already is looking stupid by being wrong, she decides she's going to pick on something else, like we can only use one, since it's limited to one per table. I tell her that we didn't even sit at a table, and we each had our own plates and receipts. To make a long story short, I was not going to give in, since this blond chick was just plain rude and wrong. Another employee comes over and tells her that we have our own receipts, so how come she wasn't taking it. Yeah, why? If we were all one table, then doesn't that mean that everyone else sitting in there is on my table, and we should all have one bill? And to top it off, she tried to rip us off by not giving one of us our change. When I asked for it, she threw the dollar bill at me. Sista needs to learn some customer service skills!

The number one reason to go to Kuru Kuru Sushi instead of Genki...the customer service that is tops over Genki!

MY LIVING WILL

Another Maxine one thanks to Aunty Nona...


Last night, my kids and I were sitting in the living room and I said to them, 'I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle. If that ever happens, just pull the plug.'

They got up, unplugged the Computer, and threw out my wine.

They are SO on my shit list ...

Just A Mom...

Found this in my email from a friend. I think it says it all for those who walk in these shoes and those who don't understand the magnitude of those shoes. Gotta love it! Thanks Tracy.

JUST A MOM?
A woman, renewing her driver's license at the County Clerk 's office,
was asked by the woman recorder to state her occupation.

She hesitated, uncertain how to classify herself.

'What I mean is, ' explained the recorder,
'do you have a job or are you just a ...?'

'Of course I have a job,' snapped the woman.

'I'm a Mom...'
'We don't list 'Mom' as an occupation,
'housewife' covers it,'
Said the recorder emphatically.

I forgot all about her story until one day I found myself in the same situation, this time at our own Town Hall..
The Clerk was obviously a career woman, poised,
efficient, and possessed of a high sounding title like,
'Official Interrogator' or 'Town Registrar.'

'What is your occupation?' she probed.

What made me say it? I do not know.
The words simply popped out.
'I'm a Research Associate in the field of
Child Development and Human Relations.'

The clerk paused, ball -point pen frozen in m midair and
looked up as though she had not heard right.

I repeated the title slowly emphasizing the most significant words.
Then I stared with wonder as my pronouncement was written,
in bold, black ink on the official questionnaire.

'Might I ask,' said the clerk with new interest,
'just what you do in your field?'

Coolly, without any trace of fluster in my voice,
I heard myself reply,
'I have a continuing program of research,
(what mother doesn't)
In the laboratory and in the field,
(normally I would have said indoors and out...)
I'm working for my Masters, (first the Lord and then the whole family)
and already have four credits (all daughters).
Of course, the job is one of the most demanding in the humanities,
(any mother care to disagree?)
and I often work 14 hours a day, (24 is more like it).
But the job is more challenging than most run-of-the-mill careers
and the rewards are more of a satisfaction rather than just money.'

There was an increasing note of respect in the clerk's voice as she
completed the form, stood up, and personally ushered me to the door.

As I drove into our driveway, buoyed up by my glamorous new career,
I was greeted by my lab assistants -- ages 13, 7, and 3.
Upstairs I could hear our new experimental model,
(a 6 month old baby) in the child development program,
testing out a new vocal pattern.
I felt I had scored a beat on bureaucracy!
And I had gone on the official records as someone more
distinguished and indispensable to mankind than 'just another Mom.'
Motherhood!

What a glorious career!
Especially when there's a title on the door.



Does this make grandmothers
'Senior Research associates in the field of Child Development and Human Relations'
And great grandmothers
'Executive Senior Research Associates?'
I think so!!!



I also think it makes Aunts
Associate Research Assistants.'

May your troubles be less,
Your blessing be more,
And nothing but happiness come through your door!

What are you?



***Note from my brother:

Leonard Letoto

At the rate we're going, if Aunties are "Associate Research Assistants," then Kyle helped me earn the title "Adjunct Professor."

Can't add or subtract? Stay home!

I was done grocery shopping at 6:30 this morning. The lady in front of me couldn't do math. Talk about major irritating. I thought I was avoiding the stress by going early. Now Jeff's birthday dinner is worth way more than the dollars it cost!

Cashier: Your balance is $61.80.
Lady: I gave you $50.
Cashier: Your total is $111.80 and I took off the gift card, so your balance is $61.80.
Lady hands cashier a $50 bill.
Cashier: Your balance is $61.80, so this isn't enough.
Lady: But I already gave you the card.
Cashier: And I already subtracted that. See? (pointing to the register screen)
Lady: But what happened to my card?
Cashier: I already took it off, and you still owe $61.80. Your total is $111.80.
Lady: Then give me the card back.
Me: Your total is $111.80. 50 plus 50 only equals 100. 100 is less than 111.80, so you need to give her more money or put your things back.
Lady: But I already gave her $100.
Me: And you still owe her $11.80, so you need to give her more money!

Gee whiz! If you can't add, don't go shopping at 6:00 in the morning!!!! Those of us who can add (and subtract), go that early for a reason...to avoid the ignorants! Now I know why I don't work in retail anymore, but how do I avoid them? For those of you who have to deal with customers like this every day...thank you!!!

The Truth about Consequences

I was going through my purse and emptying out all the extra paper that I accumulate over the week. As I was tossing some of it away that I don't think I'll need, I stopped to flip through this bulletin that was in our church's Sunday bulletin. It is found in the September 09 Bulletin published by Focus on the Family. I found it quite ironic and timely that this particular article was in there. I'll explain at the end.

The Truth About Consequences
by Dr. Bill Maier

Do you have a grip on reality? Here's a quiz to find out.

Bob drives his bright red sports car 90 miles per hour on the interstate and is pulled over by a state trooper. The trooper gives Bob a:
-friendly greeting
-cookie
-speeding ticket

Susan prefers sleeping late to showing up at work on time. After arriving at the office two to three hours late for two weeks in a row, Susan's boss tells her to:
-get to bed a little earlier
-take some vacation time to rest up
-look for another job

As a result of their choices, Bob and Susan will both experience unpleasant consequences. We can only hope they'll learn from their experiences, prompting Bob to become a safer driver and Susan to become a more responsible employee.

Training for the real world

The effective use of consequences can be a powerful parenting tool. When our children break a rule or fail to act responsibly, we can implement a consequence or allow the natural outcome of their behavior to take effect. Over time, these results act as a teacher, helping our kids to learn how things operate in the real world. Unfortunately, far too many parents short-circuit this process, either failing to implement appropriate consequences or bailing their kids out — shielding them from the slightest discomfort. These parents believe they express love by sparing their children from consequences; in reality, they are setting up their kids for frustration and failure later in life.

The book of Proverbs reminds us that God designed the world to function in specific ways. Our actions have ramifications, and more often than not, we reap what we sow (Galatians 6:7). Our kids benefit when they learn that life is made up of these cause-and-effect relationships — even though the effects they experience may sometimes be unpleasant. If a toddler touches a hot stove, he gets burned — that is a natural consequence. When a child's actions do not lead to an obvious result, however, a parent can still employ a consequence that is logically connected to the behavior. For example, a child is instructed to put away his toy train and doesn't follow through; a logical consequence would be that he is not allowed to play with his train the next day.

What it looks like

Consequences can be both positive and negative. Parents can use positive consequences when they want to encourage a good behavior and negative consequences when they want to discourage a bad behavior. In order for consequences to work, they need to be immediate. Kids have short attention spans. You can increase the immediacy of a consequence by using tokens or a point system. Immediately award your child points or tokens for positive behavior and deduct them for negative behavior. These can then be cashed in for special privileges or inexpensive rewards at a later time.
You'll also need to be consistent with consequences, or your child will quickly learn that you don't mean what you say. That's why it's crucial to follow through with a promised outcome even when you're tired.
Finally, consequences need to be powerful. If a positive or negative consequence doesn't matter to your child, it won't change her behavior. For example, earning points toward a new outfit for her doll may be a powerful motivator for a 7-year-old girl, but she may not care about that a year from now.
As you learn to use consequences effectively — instead of nagging, yelling or making threats — you'll find that interactions with your kids will improve. Your children will clearly understand what's expected of them, and you'll feel more confident in your role as a parent. Of course, you should always administer consequences in the context of a warm, supportive relationship.

Dr. Dobson's book The New Dare to Discipline includes step-by-step instructions on how to utilize consequences in your parenting and set up a point or token system. By the way, if you chose the third answer for both questions on the quiz, congratulations — you understand the reality of consequences. Now you can use that precious wisdom to help your kids mature into responsible adults who make good choices — and who keep their jobs and avoid speeding tickets.


So, having grown up with consequences and knowing that our actions would produce consequences whether good or bad, we have chosen to use consequences as a part of our parenting. As I'm sure many responsible parents would agree, consequences mean nothing or are not effective when both parents are not in agreement or when others interfere with the carrying out of consequences.

The twist in our situation is that our kid was a foster kid. Thus, our consequences meant nothing when the child continued to be disobedient and lie, and those outside of our family sympathized with his disobedient actions and lies. Unfortunately, telling a child that he is not really lying when he is, does not teach him responsibility for his actions and words. And telling a child that you'll pray for him when you do nothing to find out the reality of the situation, doesn't help to teach him to solve his problems and learn to respect parental authority. One of the unfortunate keys in this case was that we know the people in the Christian community that did nothing to help him learn that he was wrong by being disobedient & lying. It saddens me to know that we are raising children in a much different world from the standards, morals, and values that we hold high.

If you're wondering the outcome of this situation, he is no longer living with us, since he does not like our "lifestyle" aka rules and consequences, and he is no longer "comfortable" aka got caught lying and was grounded. Those who make the decisions and are supposed to support foster parents, decided that it was better to let him feel "comfortable" and get away with his wrong doings. And he continues on with his life as if he did nothing wrong, since he was rewarded instead of learning through consequences.