“A celebration of life.”
I’ve heard the saying at funerals before and I heard it again this past weekend. In my humble opinion, much easier said than done. How does a person focus on the life of a recently deceased loved one instead of focusing on the fact that they are no longer with us? This is a question I am struggling to answer as I write.
My brother-in-law passed away last month and I’d be lying if I said that it didn’t affect me tremendously. His passing was sudden, unexpected and completely shocking to everyone. This is what makes it so difficult to deal with. My grandfather passed away not too long ago but his passing was a fairly gradual one. My family and I had time to prepare for it and we all knew the day would arrive soon. When my grandfather left this earth my heart and mind were as ready as I could make them. Sure, the pain was still there but like martial artists who condition themselves to be hit, I was set to take the blow. In this case, however, there was just no way to see the sucker punch that hit me last month.
I’ve known my sister’s husband, Kawika, for over 21 years. He’s a year younger than I am and we all went to school together. Kawika and my sister, Mary, dated when he was a freshman and she was a senior in high school. They broke up but reunited when he was a senior. They wed a few years later and were married for 15 years. It’s hard for me to recall a time when he wasn’t a part of my family.
Although I never really got to tell him, Kawika was a person that I looked up to, respected and admired. I often boasted about him and his many talents. Not only was he a firefighter (a heroic occupation in itself) but the man could cook, bake and was quite the artist. It was hard to believe that this soft-spoken local boy from Honokai Hale was so multi-faceted!
Kawika was also one of the hardest working people I knew. It was his dream to become a firefighter and he pushed himself relentlessly to reach that goal until it became a reality. He served his community proudly and many individuals benefited from that service. From the number of fire department personnel that were present at the funeral, it was clear that he was without a doubt a valued member of that organization.
Kawika leaves behind a legacy of 6 children (5 of them with my sister.) After his passing, I promised myself that I would help to raise them as if they were my own. It pains me to see them sad or crying because their father is no longer here but all I can do is hold them and tell them that everything will be okay as I fight back my own tears. Sometimes it can be really difficult to put up the strong façade and I’m not afraid to admit it. But when I feel the sadness creeping up, I try to focus on the happy memories; there sure are a lot of them.
Wherever he is, I hope Kawika realizes how much he is loved and missed by many. In my opinion, he made pretty good use of the 34+ years he spent here. His accomplishments, whether publicized or not, are a testament to that fact. While the pain of losing a dear friend at such a young age may fade over time, his memory will not. My family and I will continue to live our lives as best we can while keeping him in our thoughts. With all of us here to assist, his children will develop into individuals that he can be proud of, I’m sure.
It’s way too easy to think about death and sadness at a time like this. To disregard those feelings isn’t human, I think. But to push through the pain and sorrow by concentrating on the fond memories and good times to come takes inner strength that I struggle to muster up every day. I’m sure that my sister, my family and Kawika’s family feel the same way. I, for one, plan to use this experience to make myself stronger.
Like fire tempers steel, adversity does the same to our resolve. With that strength we can honor Kawika’s memory…and celebrate his life.
July13, 1974 - October 23, 2008
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